Another friend and I were discussing Biblical Courtship and why it was totally impractical. I've raised two teens and I'm telling you it's a feeble-minded idea. The thing is, if you trust your kids so little that you have to watch them 24/7 lest they start humping each other on the dining room table thats a dead give away that your parenting was rather less than effective, yes?
Besides - any teen with a spine will just start lying and living a double life. Any teen that doesn't is just a totally cowed social retard, basically. Or is a glassy-eyed, pod person just like their parents.
So, under this plan, you either end up with a liar, or a whipped spineless coward, or another obtuse piece of fodder for the its-too-hard-to-think-for-myself-religious minority. None of which *I* personally want as a child and heir.
I've raised two teens. My stepkids.They are both grown. No promiscouis behavious, no STD's, no pregnancies. No criminal records.
I didn't beat them over the head with the Bible, or blanket them with guilt. I didn't withold honest information about birth control, or STD's, but neither did I scare them with unreal odds of getting them, either.
Instead, I stressed school and activities. Made sure they had plenty of entertaining things to do.
I told them to respect and love themselves, and realize they were more than just a sexual being.
I told them not to let anyone push them into something they didn't REALLY want to do. I told them that they would know when the right time was, and that the only person who would know the right time WAS them. Because in the end, they, like all the rest of us - would have to assume responsibility for their actions.
They are grown now. They made good decisions. They waited until they were in their late teens, one waited until marriage, I think. I'm proud of them both. We are still close, even though their father and I are divorced. And I plan on using the same method with my two little girls - just a baby and a toddler now, but I know that day will come.
I'd rather use honesty and love and empowerment, than threats and guilt. Because I don't want to alienate MY kids to the point where a postcard is all I get, and I don't get to see my grandkids because I was a hardheaded idiod.
-http://lowderra.blogspot.com/2007/04/hello-love-you-wish-you-werent-nuts.html
Okay, thing one: Courtship is silly, and putting the word Biblical in front of it makes it neither Biblical nor good. The idea of courtship is that parents have an enormous amount of control over who your future marriage partner will be, the two people involved are NEVER alone together (cuz they might have sex! that's immediately what happens when opposite sexes are alone together!) and there is never any hand holding, kissing, hugging, etc.
Well, let's see. What could be wrong with that? Well, first off, it assumes the parents have a CLUE about who is actually a good marriage partner for their child. It assumes the parents listen to God about this, instead of their own prejudices and social norms. It assumes that the child is too spiritually weak and intellectually stupid to have any idea who they should marry. If your child is actually ready for marriage, they're ready to pick their own marriage partner. If they're not ready to pick their own marriage partner, then, as a parent, YOU HAVE ALREADY FAILED in that area of parenting! Sure, you still may be able to help them pick up the pieces after a bad marriage, or help them turn a bad marriage into a good one, but your lessons on "What is a good marriage" and "What makes a good spouse" were lost on deaf ears.
Secondly, it mistakenly assumes that lust cannot be had in the presence of others. Sure, maybe sex cannot be had in the presence of a good chaperone. But lust can be had in a classroom of 35; lust can be had in a packed baseball stadium. Lust can be had in your grandmother's parlor. You cannot stop someone else from having lustful thoughts. And frankly, the idea that two people would get married without having even the remotest lustful thought toward the other is unlikely and scary. Marriage is supposed to have passion. Want a good way to get your husband to file for divorce? How about telling him "I'm so glad to sleep with you in duty to the Lord." Yeah, that's exactly what most men want, right? Or women, for that matter. To assume that passion would not exist 30 seconds before the vows and comes into existence immediately after "you may kiss the bride" is naive.
How about raising your children, and then letting them live their lives when they are adults? What makes you so certain you have all the answers? And frankly, what makes you so certain that YOU are responsible for making choices for your adult children? Guess what? YOU are not perfect. Maybe, just maybe, you should focus on perfecting your own life rather than leaping to perfect the lives of others. Oh, and guess what.....That's Biblical.
And by the way, Biblical methods of "getting together" weren't necessarily good. Would you like to trade 14 years of labor for 2 daughters? Oh.....and yes, that's 2 daughters (and 2 maids) for ONE man. We don't treat women as a trading commodity anymore. For good reason.
Oh, and last thing on this subject (and yes, we're back on lust). Would you try to convince your children that they should never be angry? No. Yet we are told "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath" in Eph 4:26. Do you feel compelled to keep your adult children awake until they're not angry anymore? Of course not.
-http://meangoose.blogspot.com/2007/04/things-on-my-mind.html
I'll be posting both sides of the issue. These are just things I've bookmarked.
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